Nothing to Lose

As many of you know, this past year has been full of life-upheaval for me. Going through the process of separation/divorce, I’ve often felt broken. I lost my sense of family, my sense of home, and the future I worked so hard for. I’ve been fortunate to have some good friends and family around me as I’ve struggled to put my life back together. Still, I’ve had a lot of time with myself, to struggle with my doubts and insecurities and to ask myself questions about what I want out of life. Some days, its enough that I just get myself out of bed, fight the loneliness, and get through another day. Some days, I feel like I’m healing, becoming myself again after years of a rocky relationship.

One of the signs that I am healing is that I once again find joy in music. I’ve made some videos of me singing covers which you can find on Youtube. But more importantly, I’ve been writing original songs again. I hadn’t written anything in…at least two years, probably three. I’ve written three songs this year.┬áThe first two were melancholy break-up songs, but the latest was a little bit different. I started thinking about the silver lining to being broken, the joy and freedom from having my life plans destroyed.

I had a little bit of free time yesterday to make a rough recording. No auto-tune, immaculate versions. I recorded, added a pre-made drum track, adjusted a few levels, and it has whatever preset effects. I hope to do more projects like this, and either they will get better, or I will get some time in a real studio with an engineer to do it right. In the meantime, enjoy.

Nothin’ to Lose